Senate Passes Emergency Self-Policing Legislation to Combat Rampant Sexual Predator Accusations

In a bold and UNPRECEDENTED move, the US Senate has unanimously passed emergency BI-PARTISAN legislation that will allocate 700 million dollars for a cash pay out victims hush/slush fund to be administered as they damn well see fit before any testimony by any women who might come forward to testify in front the the Senate Ethics Committee. It also allows for complete reimbursement and financing of any and all travel, lodging and any other and all expenses that might be incurred by the Committee Members as they question these women. For protection from the Press revealing their names, all interviews will be conducted outside the United States and its Territories, preferably at neutral sites, such as Tahiti, The Bahamas, Bora Bora and other low stress environments. One Ethics Committee Member, who asked not to be named for fear of his wife finding out said,

“We get accused of all kinds of sexual misconduct all the time and it’s time to put an end to it, and this new law will let us get back to work on American women, I mean FOR the American PEOPLE…”

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